I’m back!

Sorry for my absence over the last 6 months. Life’s been very busy and a lot has happened. The main thing that’s changed is that I finally came out to my parnets in November last year. They were far more supportive than I expected them to be and haven’t stopped talking to me or forced me into gay conversion therapy. These were my two biggest fears and not having them realised and still having a relationship with my parents has been great. Sadly it’s not been all good, they are firmly of the opinion that for me to have any form of relationship with a woman is sinful and therefore not acceptable. My dads given me books to read and websites to look at which support his opinion, none of which I’ve agreed with. 

So far I’ve avoided the nasty conversation which will go along the lines of “I don’t want to be on my own for the next 60 odd years so if I meet a woman I’m willing to have a relationship and hopefully one day get married to, I’m going to!”. I’m intending to leave this conversation until I actually meet someone. Why cause difficulties before I have to.

In other news, I’ve started really loving my job and don’t want to quit it any more. I’ve even come out to everyone at work & I’ve not had one negative comment or lost any friendships. If only people at church would be so welcoming and accepting. Instead, I’m avoiding friends so that I don’t have to have that conversation with anyone and risk being told just how terrible a person I am. 

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30 days blogging challenge -day 15 – where will I be in 5 years time

This post has taken me ages to write, mainly because I have absolutely no idea of where I want to be in 5 years. Having battled depression and more recently bipolar since I was a teenager, I genuinely never thought I’d get to 21 never mind 30 as I was earlier this year. For large parts of my life I really believed that I would hit such a low of depression that I would kill myself so I’ve never been too great at planning ahead more than a few months at a time.

I guess the biggest thing that I would like to change between now and October 2019 is that I would love to be in a committed relationship with a woman who loves me and can cope with my mood swings. For this to happen, I need to first come out to my parents and give them time to come around to the idea that I’m gay and that I’m not going straight to hell for it!

Work wise I don’t know what I’d like to be doing. At the moment I seem to switch from never wanting to enter a hospital again and wanting an easier, less demanding job to loving being a nurse and not wanting to leave my current ward where I’m starting to come out and getting some great support from some great colleagues. I’d like to be more settled in my work, whether that’s as a nurse or not instead of never being able to make up my mind.

As a fun element of things I’d like to achieve in the next 5 years, I want to be the very proud owner of a Mini Cooper! I’d also like to have visited New Zealand and added some other countries to my list of places visited.

That’s all assuming that the depression doesn’t get the better of me at any point between now and then :-/


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30 days blogging challenge – day 14 – 3 healthy habits

I have to confess I’m not sure what this means, it could be 3 healthy habits I engage in, 3 healthy habits I want to promote or 3 healthy habits I wished I had.

I can’t think of 3 healthy physical habits I actually regularly do so I’ve decided to instead look at 3 habits I have which are intended to keep my mind healthy, very important for someone like me with bipolar disorder.

My first healthy habit is to make sure I get enough sleep. While a lot of people need 8 hours to stay healthy, I find anything less than 9-10 for 2 or more nights leaves me very vulnerable to mood swings. So, I don’t work on consecutive days (especially as I work 12 hours shifts, leaving not much time for anything else those days). I also make sure that I don’t plan anything for the morning after a day at work so that I can sleep in until my body allows. I’m also not afraid to go to bed at 7 or 8pm if I’m finding that I’m overtired. It’s taken me a few years to accept that as being normal for me but I feel so much better when I do that.

My second healthy habit is to book out at least one day each week when I don’t plan anything at all. Generally it’s a day after I’ve been at work (see above) and I leave it open so that if I want to slob in my pajamas all day I can but if I feel up to going out I can go and do something I enjoy. I find that if I don’t have my “me-day” I can get overwhelmed and find life hard to cope with.

My final healthy habit is to make sure I spend time each week with people who love me and value me for being me. I live alone so don’t have any family in my house which can be both a curse and a blessing but each week I try to go over to my sisters house at least once to spend the afternoon with her and then my niece and nephews when they get home moron school. This reminds me that there are people out there who love me and care about me and want the best for me.

I don’t claim to fight my bipolar by doing things such as eating healthily or exercising even though I know I should but I do find that keeping the three habits above as a priority does mean that I stay much more stable than I would otherwise.

Hope this helps someone out there.


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30 days blogging challenge – day 13 – what’s inside your fridge?

First off apologies for not blogging for so long, I’ve had a mad couple of weeks with builders in to renovate my bathroom and lots on at work so life’s been a bit crazy. Anyway, what’s in my fridge? Well…


The bottom drawer has salad, onions and leeks although I have to confess that’s only because I had people coming for dinner. Normally my salad drawer is decidedly empty 😳

The bottom shelf contains meat. Some out of date sandwich meat which is for the cats breakfast, a bag of chicken and some sausages. Again there wouldn’t normally be so much meat, normally the bottom shelf contains pizza!

The middle shelf has a packet of tortellini and some eggs and on top is butter, cheese, jams and pickles.

You can’t see the door but that contains milk, tomato purée and lemon juice. So there you have it, the contents of my fridge for a very unexciting blog post. I’ll try not to leave it so long between entries next time.


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Distorted Love: The Toll Of Our Christian Theology On The LGBT Community

john pavlovitz


Love doesn’t always look like love.

When I published this blog post two weeks ago, I was prepared for some people to applaud it, and for others to condemn it. That’s what happens whenever you put an opinion out there.

I was fully prepared for the waves of both support and hostility that accompany any vantage point on anything, especially a controversial topic like Sexuality. 

What I was not prepared for in any way, were the literally hundreds and hundreds of people who have reached out to me personally, to thank me for bringing some healing and hope to their families. Parents, children, siblings, and adults have confided in me (some for the first time anywhere), telling of the pain, and bullying, and shunning they’re received from churches, pastors, and church members; from professed followers of Jesus.

Scores of people from all over the world have shared with me their…

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30 days blogging challenge – day 12 – my favourite childhood book

As a child I read a LOT. I wasn’t allowed to watch much TV and I was an only child so I had both a very active imagination and I kept myself busy by reading in the evenings and when I was supposed to be asleep!

Mostly I read books by Enid Blyton, secret seven, the adventurers and especially and above all others, the famous 5. I adored the famous five. I was friends with Julian and Dick and in my mind a lot of the time, I was George. Timmy was my faithful dog who came to meet me from school and walk with me on our own! I think it was because we are both only children and both tomboys. Now with hindsight I wonder if there was something more to my fascination with George but that’s for another post!

I read loads of other books including Arthur Ransome’s Swallows and Amazons series, W.E. Johns’ Biggles (who I also wanted to be!), the Chronicles of Narnia and probably many others which I’ve forgotten by now. But time after time I came back to the famous 5, so much so that I could probably tell you the storyline of each book if they were put in front of me!


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30 day blogging challenge – day 11 – my 10 favourite foods (and drinks)

In no particular order, these are the 10 foods, drinks and meals that are my favourites.

1) Pizza – my favourite take away that I always get as a payday treat and get a few oven-bake ones during the month as well.

2) Coke. This is why I had to change my title from just food. Bad as it sounds, I literally couldn’t cope with coke. I know it’s bad for me, I know it’s probably ruining my teeth, stomach and anything in between but when I’m feeling really stressed or depressed a can of coke just cheers me up. Some people use alcohol, drugs or cigarettes. I have a can of coke!

3) Pasta. Either in a dish like lasagne or sometimes on its own with just butter and cheese melted over it.

4) Nachos. With cheese, salsa, guacamole, sometimes chilli but never jalapeños. They’re just too hot for me.

5) Chinese take away. As a real treat often when I have a friend over for tea.

6) Fajitas.

7) Maple syrup. Mmmmmmm 🙂 I can pretty much drink it from the bottle but I try not to! I put it in cupcakes, muffins, as a topping for pancakes and I’ve found a company that makes maple syrup flavour drinks. A lovely thing just before bed in the winter.

8) Strawberries. The only healthy thing on the list but I tend to make it less healthy by adding sugar and cream, either single or clotted!

9) Donuts. Especially from Krispy Kreme which is unfortunate as the nearest one to where I live is at least 50 miles away 😦

10) Toast. A nice simple snack which can be sweet, savoury or anything else and when I’m struggling and feeling low I often live off toast as it’s easy and doesn’t make me put on much weight.

Does anyone else have any favourite foods or drinks?


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